I am running out of time. (Due in large part to my terrible inclination towards procrastination). Although this move has happened pretty suddenly, I still felt like I had plenty of time to get my life in order. This feeling has vanished. Tomorrow is my last day to pack. But in order to pack I have to go through everything I have accumulated in the last 23 years. I only have so much space in my car, and my parents are understandably tired of providing me with a free storage unit. I am slowly throwing things away, but it seems that no matter how much stuff I get rid of, I find another stash in the next corner of my room.
This morning as I was going through the mountains of paper on my desk, I unearthed my student teaching box. Inside that box I discovered all the letters of advice written by my students and fellow teachers. Despite the fact that I had a million more piles to sort through, I stopped, and reread every letter. In the time I have been out of the classroom, I have been doing my best to forget how much I loved teaching. Since I am not able to teach this year, it became my coping mechanism. I felt that if teaching didn't mean as much to me, it wouldn't be so hard to have another kind of job for a year. Reading through my letters was a much needed reminder of where I belong. I found myself laughing when my students told me that I needed to be harder on the other kids in the class, but to be easier on them. Another student said I should joke around more. Many of my 7th hour students reminded me not to make my class a prison, and that they couldn't wait for me to leave. I couldn't help but smile at these notes, because 7th hour was usually the class I looked forward to the most. We did joke that English class was a prison, but I know that my students secretly liked my class, even if they hated it sometimes. (I made them read and write after all...clearly a form of torture)
After I boxed up the letters, I decided that I wouldn't waste any more time. I trust that the path I am on happened for a reason, but I will not let another year go by without teaching. If that means moving to Alaska to teach, that is what I will do. I am on an adventure, and I am ready to take back control of my life. So no more procrastinating...starting tomorrow morning...when I really will finish packing!
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